S.O.S.

This weekend was fucked up! So there is this guy that i have liked alot since last year and well this year i started flirting, well his roommate told me this weekend he really likes me alot and would want to date me if he wasn't scared our friendship would fall apart if we ever broke up...i wouldn't let it ....but that is beside the point!

So knowing this i had already had plans to hangout with he, and his 2 roomies on friday night. Well i have a theatre department little brother, and the guy invited mine too because he was hanging out with me and the guy all afternoon...i should figured something was up but nope not till we left to go that night when the guy forced my little to ride with them leaving him to be stranded at their house since we were all going to be drunk. So anyways by the next day i was pretty sure of the guy's motives and i was so upset but i just let it go.

So saturday night was the foam party in housing on campus, and i invited all of them (the guy and his roomies) to come which they did and my little was with them when they got there and wouldn't leave the guys side.....WTF!!!!! And he went home with him that night...I was livid!!!!

The worst part is my little knew i like the guy and it didn't seem to phase him. He also however had his eye on one of my best friends. so WTF! He also claims not to rush into things but hello....in two days that in my book is rushing things!

I have decided i hate gay guys in this city, all they do is fuck over guys who are nice and just want a nice guy. well here they are all double crossing 2 faced bastards!

Astonishing

So i don't remember if i have used my title before but the song fits what i am feeling. This week was an eye opener that i am finally really finding myself as a college student...i have grown up alot since my freshman year....i am still very intune with my inner child so don't fret!

I have just been on top of my studies and been socializing and having time for both in abundance and i am trying to find a job....i am trying very hard but it isn't working very well. Oh well.

I am back in writers meetings and i love it! I needed it in my life.

I also have my eye on a few new guys.....one is just adorable and he may be my date for a party friday! I am ildly excited about it...eventhough it isn't set in stone...but just the possibility excites me...I have never taken a date to a party.

Stay cute and i will update again soon

Good Morning Starshine

so it is round two of my Monday/Wednesday classes...yipeee and i am trying to act like i don't feel crappy...i guess i really don't but i feel physically wierd today i am light headed but not nausious.....HMMMMMMM..... oh well. I am sitting here in my Government classs...blah....and then i have econ....double blah ...then childrens theatre....yay! then home work...no work out today cause i am sick. :( oh well. Hopefully i will feel better soon.....HOPEFULLY.....:S. First info from govt today: Greed is good!

PSA sweet Guys

So i have made a new friend he is really adorable fun and cute but he is younger and idk if i should keeep going after younger guys

Adelaide's (Andrew's) Lament

Ugh so it is day two of classes...and guess what....i am sick. I have somehow managed to come down with a cold overnight...literally. Yesterday at about lunch time or somewhere there after my throat started to be sore...then by about 8 last night my nose was like Niagra Falls...still is if anyone wants to ride a barrel down nasal drippage. Well all was well...i though hmm just a sinus infection...no big...which it still could be but prolly not. So in Theatre History my head starts pounding my nose is running the professor is talking...hell is breaking loose and i can't take it. In the middle of the professor's welcome back talk i have to leave to blow my fucking nose...I SIT IN THE FONT ROW!!!!! I first of all hate haveing to leave a class while a professor is lecturing or talking at all and i am appalled when it happens when i sit in the front. That is when i started to think i was really coming down with something...well after lunch (Now) i am in my room i just took my temperature and i have a slight fever 99.7 not really enough to be overtly concerned but still i am aggravated that is week one of classes and i feel like shit over night. FML

We're Just Friends

I LOVE LOVE LOVE move in week!!!! So many new faces and friends. Reunions with old friends who you haven't seen all summer! GAH!!!!!! IT IS A PURE ADRENALINE RUSH!!!!!!! and yet draining....i am fighting sleep as i type this! My room is great! Small but cozy I love it and it is so artsy...i am going to get so much done this year i think.

I have made a list of rules to follow this year:

1) Write daily for the hell of writing
2) Exercise at least twice a week
3) Keep up with my studies
4) Make sure i don't negelect my friends
5) Make sure i maintain a job this year
6) Stay Positive
7) Smile more

Those are the basics...lots has changed for me over the summer. I am puttin a new perspective on my life. So if you are reading this please be a doll and try and hold me to it... After all we are friends!

PSA Being Nice

Why is it so hard to receive kindness from others? Please tell me why i am wasting my time caring for all you people that i show generous amounts of kindness to. Am I wasting my time on people? Do they even care that i care? I am a nice person so why is my kindness getting thrown back in my face lately? I am starting to think it isn't worth it to be nice anymore and that i should be a bitch all the time from now on and lose my sense of humor and like do a 180 on my life and what i believe in...is that what everyone wants...it has to be unanimous.

Time to Go

I love obscure titles....anyhoo....it is now 4 days and counting till i move back to where home truly is for me...columbus.

Today was my last day at the day care (knock on wood!) I am so happy and relieveed.

This summer has been a summer of new experiences and new realizations abou people and myself and i think i have grown alot as a person and into myself this summer. I am so ready for school and i miss all my friends back at CSU and am so ready to be out of the house again...sorry mom. But it has definetly been a summer to remember.

But now it is time to go.....

This Is The Moment

So summer is almost over...and what a fucking awesome summer it has been! I have not traveled as much as i have this summer. Whther it was New Orleans, Virginia/DC or my weekend in ATL. It has been one big adventure after another. I am however ready to go back to school!

I am single again which i am actually happy about! Wow! I Just said that! I have decided to hold off til thinks in my life slow down abit before i start dating again.

I am quitting my job at the day care!!!! I have decided i really absolutly hate it there it is an awful work environment....and the majority of kids are awful. I need to start breaking in to my field of study more. I am going to see if i can find an internship in the atl area this next summer or take a job with the county doing filing stuff. But i am also getting a job in Columbus this year! i am going to England this may by hook or by crook....it has to happen!

I am so ready to be at school however i feel it is gonna be a stressful semester but i think i can handle it! I miss all you beautiful people in C-town! It is gonna be an awesome year! Are you ready?

Back to Before

HAve you ever stopped writing for a while and just sat and re read your whole blog? Well i just did and how things have changed. Well for starters i am single and happy for the first time in forever. I know shocker! Anyways i have decided i need to wait for the right person and not throw myself into just anyones arms. But that is not the topic of this post. The topic of this post is how so much has changed in my life in just a year alone. There are people i have mentioned that i was head over heels for i now hate...if you are the one guy i have "dated" that i let read this and you think it is you it is not ;) (Yes that was a shout out to you Brit Boy) anyways. I have also realized it is nice to have a break from your passion for a while...meaning this summer of theatre free activity has been good for me. (I just haven't been in any plays...doors in the world of theatre definitely opened for me this summer i have to projects under construction so to speak one goes up in February and the other one has yet to be born yet but soon i will be a busy boy). Other things have changed...i have decided next summer i need a better paying job...good bye day care hello possible internship. Even more things have changed...it has become a necessity for me to move out of the country and go to Europe...lots of things have happened to point me that way so i am going with the flow. I formulated friendships this year that will last for years to come i believe. It just over all has been a wonderfully exciting year and in three weeks a new one begins...oh i know you are like "umm not quite" but i am a future educator so my years start when i go back to school. Columbus get ready! Andrew is ready to take the world by storm this year!

PSA 2

Should one be worried when the person they are dating spends time talking to people on Chatroulette instead of talking to you? I think you should :(

PSA 1(2)

PSA of today: I think i have come to a realization that i am so used to failure in my relationships that if this one ends it will be my fault and that the reason is because i expected it to fail. that is all


Also from now on there will be normal bloggings that will have showtune titles and then PSAs.

KIDS

so i love my job don't get me wrong...but i hate whiners. This summer has made me realize...if i ever have kids i need then to skip the age where they whine all the time. That was just a PSA. So go on with your lives!

The Facebook Song

So ok....i may have made a starteling realization tonight. Not sure i am happy about it either. So i have a boyfriend. Yes we have met, and we have spent alot of time together. But i have seen him once since i have been back to GA from NOLA. That was a week ago, and now our July 4th weekend plans are shot cause he was in a car accident today. I was really worried about him but now i am worried that our relationship is doing a reverse affect and becoming an online relationship...we talk on facebook, skyp, and through texts all the time. I physically see him once in a while. And now with his car being down who knows when i will see him again before school....ugh

Stuck In Nutural

Ok so i was one of 30 people who got to hear the song that is my title today at today's first work shop of Morals: Keep Your Thoughts Quiet.

It is a new musical that will hit the public eye in Feburary 2011. Not on Broadway quite yet but in the world of Fayette County Georgia. My close friend is writer and director of the show, Stephanie Tabacco. I am going to help her in the creative sense on the sets or costumes she hasn't told me which yet.

The show is about a girl with a mental illness that causes her to lash out and hurt others physically and her relationship with a boy she hurt four years before their friendship began. The boy who is deaf in one ear and mute due to one of the girls fits, is deeply in love with her despite what happened. The girl however is scared to return the affection because she know her condition is dangerous to those around her.

The show consists of many characters and their consciences. The main girl has two however a good and bad which is part of her illness. The boy's conscious is his audible voice where as he only speaks in sign language. The show is a reflection on society and how everyone has a moral to their story whether good or bad whether we make it or whether it makes us.

If you are curious about the goings on of this show and our progress please click the link below:

http://www.wix.com/stephanietobacco/moralsthemusical

Anything Can Happen

So today i have been sending random texts saying "i miss u" and i sent one to my dear friend Allison Klem...who is better known as Peaches Galore in some circles lol. Anyway...she read my last post and asked how things are going....to be honest they are going swimmingly and i made a mountain out of a mole hill. Jake and i are doing grand it is 2 weeks going now. And i took him out in public to meet my friends last night and i think they approved. I adore him he makes me smile and laugh and he is sweet to me.

Well now summer really begins i just got back from my trip to New Orleans it was fantastic. I ate so much great food there. I would go back just to eat and listen to music. Pics will be on Facebook soon.

I am also happy to announce my laptop is fixed so i will be online more often than i have in the past few weeks.

Oh and the last news is i go back to work tomorrow and i am so excited....i miss my kids and making money....but this summer is going to be a summer of saving. i am going to london next may and i am paying for it myself alone cause i am going on my own not on study abroad....all may spending it with my friend Timon in London.

Well that is an update on life right now.

Without You

So i am in a relationship aain...and in one day i may have managed to fuck it all up. I forget not everyone things the way i do and that one Facebook status could ruin hopes.

So i am leaving to go on vacation next weekend, o big deal right....well it can be when you tell your boyfriend you are so excited to get to hang out with him next week and then turn around and say "i wish i was leaving for new orleans tomorrow instead of waiting a whole nother week at home...time to hang out with people" I know i sounded so enthused to hang out with people (sarcasm) but the thing is i am really excited to see my boyfriend and hang out with him and other friends but now he is mad because he couldn't see my enthusiasm because it was slightly laced with disdain for the fact i wanna go on vacation now but can't but I would take him with me on vacation if could.

Why i am i dumbass and say things without thinking who they might hurt eventhough i didn't think it would hurt anyone.

I adore you Jake and hope this is just a speed bump.

Here Alone

For the first time in a long while I feel utterly alone. I can't explain it. First of all it is storming…I hate rain and storms. Second of all I have gone an entire semester without a boyfriend….i miss the security of having someone (I never thought I would say that.) Third no of my besties are within my grasp (one is in Atlanta, on is almost in florida, and the other one is in fucking VA) and my ONE BESTIE FOR EVER ANDEVER is going to be at camp all summer. And lastly I am sitting in my dorm room alone….not a single roommate…..not a single person on my floor (possibly my building). I am utterly alone.

I even cried because I was sad to be alone. Those who know me well know I DON'T FUCKING CRY EVER!!!!!!!!!! I want a hug from a boy I want a kiss from a boy I wanna wake up next to a boy…..I want a boy who won't walk out on me! I need a vacation! I want to feel love again! Is it so wrong to want these few things in life? I thought I could be strong….but I am not as strong as I think I am.

I think these things quietly while all I really want to do is scream. But no I just sit here…alone.

Brush Up On Your Shakespeare

So i am currently very excited for my friends who are in London but at the same time extremely jealous! I wish i were there right now typing this from a flat or from a table in a pub, but alas i am sitting here...in the CCT building computer lab...waiting for my next class to start...oh the joys of science...(gagging on my own word vomit there)! Any way i have a movie date two nights from now with my dear friend Cassie we are gonna watch the amazing Connie and Carlawoot! and then this weekend i head home to go to a chorale concert of a friend of mine that should be fun and exciting as it has been the past five years i have attended. But tomorrow i dread....my first speech in my Communications class...blech!!!!!! I hate public speaking...acting and speech giving are two different things, people! But it is a simple speech that we initially are going to build up into a a stronger speech next week. This Maymester is gonna be interesting but after it is over i only have two more core classes to complete till i am done with them forever!!!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOO!!!!

so as The Bard would say...Alls well That Ends well!

If You Were Gay

i think tonight i lost hope in gay men. i think i now only know two other gay men with the same morals as i have. I am sorry that i don't sleep with everyone who would let me in bed with them. NO STIRNGS ATTACHED is a sorry excuse for being a slut...the one person i have ever had a relationship with that i actually thought was genuine tonight told me he thought our first night together was going to be a NSA thing and yet he was the one who asked me out...oh and then dumped me too....IRONIC ISN"T IT......FUCK IT!
American gays don't get it. They think if you have a dick you will just jump in bed i am sorry i started out liking girls and i didn't just hop in bed with them either...i was brought up that sex is a special thing between you and someone you really care about...it has to have meaning...i mean fooling around is one thing but even to me there has to be some kind of connection before i will do anything. I am so shocked to be finding out that people think it is just a friendly thing....it is not not in my book...i am sorry if i sound prudish but it just the way i feel.

Another thing that pisses me off. Why are people so shallow that they have to have a "type" i really couldn't tell you what my type is....i have dated so many different kinds of people...it is annoying to think i can't have a chance at someone because they only date jocks....SHUT UP YOU SHALLOW DIPSTICK (you don't deserve anyone.) I am sorry if this pushes buttons but i can't stand shallow people.

Once again aggravation has brought me to post for the first time in a while.

Ain’t Got No

    I am tired of not having money for things. Living off my parents is causing this problem. We are financially unstable. I am about to have to turn down one of my dream roles because I don't have a job to pay for gas money that my parents won't pay. Usually I turn down roles for no time…not this time and I am so pissed off. And I know it is not entirely my parents fault but they aren't helping either, and I am sorry but when it comes to my career lately they aren't backing my up 100% so I am getting a little upset with them. I have been stressed out over not doing enough so I have been doing more but with in THEIR peramiters…which is only school related right now. I FUCKING HATE IT! How am I supposed to ever become better if they aren't helping me to succeed and take roles where I am handed them? iIt shows I am talented but if I keep turing things down cause my parents can't help and I can't afford it on my own I am never going to get anywhere. I know I need a job and I have one during the summer but next fall I am getting one here so I can get cash flow of my own…my parents are holding me down and I AM DONE WITH IT!

The Man Of My Dreams

So I am always talking about him on here well…I think it may be over for real. And I am dying inside. His reasoning is that he can realistically be with me and I feel like it is cause he has a hard time seeing the future. I am sorry but who said the future isn't realistic? NO ONE! And if he is reading this I am meaning no offense…you know I vent on here. I am mad I am furious right now and I think I have every right to be but at the same time I am still in love with you…you did this once before…so I think you just need me to back off let you get your life in order and just be a friend. Once I get to England we will see where we both are. All I am saying is I love you and it won't change and while it is not feesible now for us to be together, you shouldn't just kill your future. I know I make you happy because you wouldn't keep coming back if that were the case and while you may have felt guilty most people don't try to show affection unless there is still something there…I am sorry but in reality these are facts. People just aren't guilted into affection. But you know what I don't care…I am your friend first and I am ok with that and whatever happens will happen. But I still have hope…even if you gave up on it.

I Got Rhthym

So tonight was our final tech night till dress rehearsals for Crazy For You. We found out that we won't have a full orchestra but we will have a band...which isn't that bad people...anyhoo, tonight's run went really well and i got misty eyed during curtain call cause i think we will pull it off beautifully and we could open tomorrow if necessary.

Eventhough i bash myself for just being and understudy i am thoroughly enjoying myself out there with the cast. The moments we have are priceless. I am beginning to realize how much i learned this semester as an actor....understudies do more work than anybody first of all...especially when you are the understudy for 12 people...i have 12 different personalities to pull from when i go on for someone. It has been a trying semester but it will all pay off next week.

To my cast members....you are all amazing and i love all of you. Go break a leg!

To the crew...Ya'll rock and make our lives a little less stressful...and you make it all run like clock work.

To shane...you are amazing and we would have been up a creek with out you. Thanks for being a life saver!

To Brenda....Your vision is about to come true however slightly altered from the beginning but it will still be spectacular. You should be proud...I know we are! And Lexi is the cutest thing on the planet!

well that is my blurb for my final tech night before dress rehearsals.

Positive

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I hate q 2 q so much now as an actor in a musical...........we have been here 2 hours and just got to the second song. I know it is a necessity but why must it take so long? Smile! Keep positive. Don't lose heart....fuck that shit! I wanna go home....i am hungry tired and cranky. Cory Paul i love ya but i want ya back i am so stressed out.

The Bitch Of Living

Who has the answer? Umm please tell me why W.O.W consumes peoples lives? It is a cult game i know...but really must you make everything around you in reality go just right so it won't affect your gameplay?

My roommate thinks so. When he is playing WOW i am not allowed to be on the wireless net work because MY COMPUTER messes up his game when there are 3 other computers in this room on the wireless let alone the other people in the fucking building...but no he blames it on me. He also must have peace and quite when he is playing so that communication over headset with his boyfriend is not impaired...sorry to say but who died and made you king of the universe...no one. On the plus side his grades will start dropping because as of right now he is skipping class to play the fucking game. Maybe then he will wake up an see that it is time to go back to reality where people still don't like him.

Sorry was that harsh? whoops i forgot to continue caring.

Once Upon A Time

So this is a random post which i hardly ever do. But i just happened to just sitt and read my blog for a while from the beginning of this year to now. I could compile a novel of my life from this thing...i crack up, i teared up, i got mad again, and it was all beautiful. The memories. The heartbreaks. The adventures. Life is what you make it and right now aside from the mundane things (rehearsals) i really have nothing to complain about. I am finally content with my love life, where i am physicaly, and my friends rock. Things could be worse i could be dead. But I am not. And my life could be worse. I could be alone. But once again, i am not.

Friends come and go but you know what the ones that matter are always there. and i think i finally have found that set. And also i think i finally have realized love is there for me but i have to wait and i know what i am waiting for and it is coming closer and closer. I made the realization as i read my blog. There is one person who always lifts me up when boys get me down and it is the one guy i have had the best relationship with ever and it isn't even a physical relationship yet. He lives across the Atlantic Ocean, but that is ok i think we both finally have come to terms with the fact we were meant for each other and that we will never be happy till we are together. One of the reasons i am moving to England not the main one but it is a deciding factor now. It is an adventure in itself and i love adventures and challenges...and our love is strong, people! I think i can finally stop searching and accept the fact that he is the one, because nothing better has been found and i have had physical relationships and i am still not extremely happy. I just have to talk to him and i beam...i haven't even touched him yet, and he is my world. I think about him all the time even when we were both dating other people.
Only one person has made me think other wise about him and he can't commit to a relationship right now for the fact he is moving and can't do the long distance thing. Brit boy didn't think he could either but he keeps coming back to me and i keep going back to him, so there is definitely a pull between the two of us. And it keeps getting stronger.
So this post was supposed to be random but i guess i had more to say than i thought. And i thought for a moment that the title wouldn't fit this post now but it does, cause every fairy tale love story starts with the cliche line "Once Upon A Time..." and this is my own fairy tale so why not title it as such. "Once upon a time there was an ocean and it separated two lovers.....one day they would meet....this is their story."

Come To Your Senses

One day someone can enter your life and turn your world upside down. This happened a total of three times in my life. And this last time I am not sure where I landed….my head is still spinning. I am not sure if I am happy or sad with myself…or him for that matter. What I have is complicated for sure. I mean who makes out with someone they know they can’t be with right now because the person cannot expect to be tied down when they are moving to bum fuck Texas. I want to continue our friendship but does it change from here…or do I continue as if things haven’t changed. I can’t actually tell if things have changed or not but I think they have…he doesn’t text me back and I felt like a third wheel all night and like I was imposing. I know he didn’t do anything with the other guys he was around this week but all the same I feel like he found them more interesting than me. But his affection never seemed less until tonight…even last night he kissed me…tonight I mean I guess I could have but it just didn’t seem right at the moment…but now I regret it. Will things change? I know I will move on but what will happen if I do. He will have no one. My life is complicated….i always have someone to run to…..too bad he lives across an ocean. What is to happen to me now…am I to just forget…who am I kidding…this week I want to remember and at the same time I want to forget it happened. It was a joy and a fuck up…I am in love I am in lust. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t regret anything. But I am not sure I am fully happy with how I handled some things. Jealousy is a pain in the ass and I wasn’t being fair…cause we weren’t technically together. But when you spend time with a person physically there is a sense of attachment, and sadly possession…well for me anyways. I HATE IT NOW. This week has been the Goliath of emotional roller coaster rides. I needed this week but now I am at a loss. Sure I told him I was fine….did he really believe me….i mean hello the minute he told me the way he felt things kinda took a new course I immediately became kinda different. Maybe all this feeling is my own fault. I could have acted different yesterday….i should have asked more questions before she set me up with him…that was my first boo boo. But I am not sure she even knew what he wanted at the time…he still doesn’t know what he wants….i adore him….and yet he frustrates me to no end. He is perfect for me and at the same time he baffles me…I get along with him and I question him all the time. Where did it go wrong…did it go wrong. I think I am crazy.

In Short

I hate him! There are some people who just need to grow up and get over themselves......MY ROOMATE IS CASE A!

I am sorry but we had an agreement when we started rooming together that i could sing and he wouldn't complain unless he was doing homework. I am sorry but when di playing WOW constitute as homework...oh that is right it isn't. So you know what Kris....you can get over yourself or go die...right now i could care less which one you do. I am a generally nice person but this is the last straw...you cannot walk over me. I am not below you and if you think you are a god then you are sadly mistaken...and i am not being arrogant here....but i don't see you hanging out with friends...oh wait you don't have any...and i can't imagine why not? (That is a lie i can). I am sorry friends am i being harsh....good i needed to grow some. I know for sure now there is no way i will ever room with him again...it was the worse mistake ever....he is a bitch so if you are asked to room with him next year....please do yourself a favor and decline. He doesn't know how to handle other people. He is a diva and will expect you to bend over backwards for him. FUCK THAT SHIT I AM NOT HIS MOTHER OR FATHER OR MAID. GET OVER YOURSELF!

A Way Back To then

Have you ever pulled out pictures of yourself from when you were like two? Have you ever looked at it an been like...WOW I haven't changed that much...or Wow How could people not tell how i was going to turn out? Well this happened to me. I looked at the picture above, and was like wow i just got bigger really. It is crazy to think about what all i have been through just to end up a taller skinnier version of how i was at age 1...oh and smarter.

It was just a strange feeling. Plus i realized i miss my old house more than i thought. I have so many more memories of happiness there than in our new home...life went down hill.
Things i miss:

Loads of friends to play with
A tree to Climb
Woods to explore
a swing set
a real fire place
the Cul-De-Sac
A BIG window by my bed
My own closet
a window over the sink where i could yell out at dad when he was doing yard work
The light pole in our front yard
The endless amount of flowers
Block Parties
Hide and seek for hours
building forts
riding bikes
drawing with chalk
Even the time out chair
the banisters between the dinning room and living room
the big window in mom and dad's room where Precious and Shadow used to sunbathe
wheelbarrow rides by dad or grandpa
planting and poping the forget me nots by the side walk or all the yellowbells
watching birds eat at the bird feeder on the dog wood out back
helping dad paint the shed
helping him build the shed
going in and around the shed
helping and playing in the veggie garden

So many memories
I could go on all day

I miss it and being a kid

No Day But Today

WOW! I mean WOWWW! I hate assuming things and all but i am pretty sure my assumption is correct. I don't know how it feels. I don't want to know. I am scared for him. I am scared.

Diagnosed with HIV!? Really? I mean i always knew it was a possibility but it is just something i was like it could never happen to someone i know....not someone i see everyday.

It was a wake up call. Life is fragile....and short. And that thought truly terrified me today. I am still kind of mildly shocked.

For those who read my blog alot i know this is my first post in a while and i just need to let off a weight.

If you are religious in any way just please keep my roommate in your prayers and thoughts....he is going through a lot and if the above is true he will be going through a lot more.