Things Are Looking Up

So tonight i had a night out with my girls...love you all (Robin, Janine, and Jennifer). After the shittiest week which got progressively worse everyday I just needed it! I am so glad i did too. I feel so much better about my life. Earlier today Hannah Montana came on my shuffle and Nobody's Perfect just spoke numbers to me. I realized that every one has bad days, weeks, etc and that i needed to look on the bright side. Well as most of you can see relationship wise lately my life has been the pits, utter failure. Anyhoo....tonight the honest to god love of my life messaged me to tell me they loved me and to keep my chin up....everything that happened earlier this week no seems superfluous...i still have a future with someone and can wait and should wait for them since all i have found since that person has been disappointment and unsatisfiedness. But life is looking up so those who have been there for me this week in any way shape or form i adore you all soooo much and am so greatful to you for keeping me from doing insane things this week. I love you guys so much. If i didn't have friends like you who knows what i would have done this week. But it is over now and tomorrow is a new day and in the words of Hannah Montana......Nobody's Perfect.

On My Own

well people my suspiscions were correct....i was being toyed with. I am now alone and HE got the prize..once more. Why can't i win. IS it so wrong that i want a nice sweet guy who trusts me makes me feel good, and at the same time likes me for me. I am tired of waiting. everytime i think i have found it i get left and hurt. It isn't fair especially when the person goes to someone i know. I can't stand it. FUCK LOVE! FUCK LIKE! FUCK RELATIONSHIPS! I am done.

You Can't Win

So i thought the weekend might bring me some uplifted spirts.....wishes don't come true apparently. Once again i am compeating with another guy for one guys affection. Well i hope he realizes that the other guy is a slut...and toys with guys emotions and then will be in depression for months and months when you break up with him. I on the other hand am sweet and sencere and loyal...and if worse come to worse and we do break up i tried to still maintain some sort of friendship. Well maybe the two of you are meant for eachother since you have been toying with me for the past few days making me feel great when all else goes wrong well today It is your fault things went wrong in my day....and i would love to drown my sorrows in alcohol tonight at the party i was invited to but i don't think i will cause you are going with him and I feel rejected...and honestly sickened to see you with him...so i guess i will just stay at home tonight and do nothing...
Yes i am angry but hopefully you will prove me wrong...i don't know though. :'(

The World has Gone Insane

So i am really sad today because i was looking foreward to having a non-shit filled week....well my hopes slowly dropped from high on monday...to almost invisible today. Monday was fantastic and put me in a great mood...tuesday rolled around and i couldn't find my dorm keys at the end of the day....still not horrible....Ryan was there. Wednesday came. Not only were my keys still missing....my bike has been stolen too i believe. It wasn't in the bikeroom yesterday or today. Now on top of everything my phone is lost or stolen i will go with the latter cause it was on and fully charged the last time i saw it and that was almost 2hrs ago when i was at lunch after just charging it. I wanna cry right now. I am now to 3 weeks of complete agony and misery.....can't i be happy for just like a few days more than i get dealt out?

A Step Too Far

Nice...what is nice? I am constantly being told i am a GENUINeLY nice person...i have come to pride myself in that. I have deep consideration and concern for others. I am really sympathetic if you know me really well. If you do know me well....i listen well and give great hugs and try to make things better. Well lately i have encountered some situations where my NICENESS has gotten on my nerves. I try to be positive and kind but deep down i want to say SCREW IT! the past two and a half weeks have been shit. Only just this week have they started getting better...thanks Ryan. But the past two weeks have been filled with both personal failures, broken relationships, lonelyness, etc. Well while i am the genuinely nice guy, i tend to bottle my emotions. Well, yesterday that emotional bottle POPPED. I usually don't ventto anyone but my besties Ally and Emily....niether were availiable. GRRR i was so mad at things going on that i was shaking and coould feel my heart beat in my ears. I NEEDED TO TALK TO SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!! so i was going through my phone and called my beloved Megan. She was just the voice i needed and she didn't even give me advice or tell me what to do she just listened and i felt so much better. However, things started to go down hill again cause the continuing problems from the weeks before were coming back into focus in rehearsal and roomate situations. And to be the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of cruddiness....today i found my bike to be missing and my keys to my dorm missing...and while Ryan has been keeping me busy (not like that) he is still getting over his ex so i have to be careful not to scare him off.....I REALLY LIKE HIM PEOPLE....He is so sweet and cuddly and makes me want to do things that i usually dis regard like clean my room...shocking right for those who know me. I think deep down he does like me but because of the given situation he is trying to conceal it....i mean he might think i wouldn't like being rebound boy....I LIKE YOU COME ON AND DATE ME!

Forget About the Boy

so world it has come to this I am torn between two people neither of which are still relationally attached to me. Both have been one just up until last night. And once until some point this summer. I don't wanna lose contact with the one from this summer because he a really sweet and awesome person and i adore him still more than i should which makes it hard for me to fully connect with the new person. But the new person was a rushed into thing and i know that but what ticks me off is he is the one who said we should and now he wants to back out and i don't think that is fair to me that he waits it out three weeks and says we should develop a friendship first. Now the problem is do i start dating other people while developing this friendship or do I just wait it out. God it is time like these i wish i just stay single and a bachelor all my life because I always get attached and then people either want more or i get too attached and scare them off. Relationships have become a whirlwind of disappointment for me. If anyone out there has any advice for me please give it to me I am on my last try at this dating thing....HELP!