No Day But Today

WOW! I mean WOWWW! I hate assuming things and all but i am pretty sure my assumption is correct. I don't know how it feels. I don't want to know. I am scared for him. I am scared.

Diagnosed with HIV!? Really? I mean i always knew it was a possibility but it is just something i was like it could never happen to someone i know....not someone i see everyday.

It was a wake up call. Life is fragile....and short. And that thought truly terrified me today. I am still kind of mildly shocked.

For those who read my blog alot i know this is my first post in a while and i just need to let off a weight.

If you are religious in any way just please keep my roommate in your prayers and thoughts....he is going through a lot and if the above is true he will be going through a lot more.

The Riddle

WHY ARE SOME GUYS TOTAL DOUCHES! I am sick and tired of my friends getting hurt. Especially Robin. She deserves ten times better than what she is delt! I love her to death and hate what guys do to her. Especially the last guy! He treated her so nice at first then he did some really and i mean REALLY SHITTY THINGS TO HER! some things it took me a while to forgive him for...but Robin finally made me see his good side and she was happy so i was happy.....and lately they have been really cute! And she really liked him. Well he is a douche and i am livid at him and i think i am done forgiving him because this isn't the first time he has hurt one of my friends and i am done with it! ROBIN YOU ARE LOVED AND DON"T LET HIM THINK OTHER WISE! H*UGS AND KISSES TO YOU!

I've Got Rhythm

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TODAY HAS BEEN THE BEST DAY OF MY COLLEGE CAREER YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So today i got cast in my first Mainstage production at CSU.......CRAZY FOR YOU! For those who don't know i did this same show in 2007....i am so excited to be doing it again. However this time i am an Understudy for all the cowboys so my work load is larger cause i must know all their lines and harmonies....shit right? Well today i also found out i have to know all the male parts incase on of the other understudies gets sick as well so i must know the entire show backwards and forewards....ahem! well today i decided if all else fails i will be able to write my dissertation on Crazy For You when i graduate! :) I am so pumped people!

One Short Day

So last Thursday was my Birthday! I am now 20 and a week old! I am old...just admit it, I know it is the truth. I had the best birthday ever this year. I pretty much had a week long celebration....everything went the way it should. My actual B-day was spent with friends and family. My parents came down for the night and took me and about 12 friends to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner (I just finished the left over wings two nights ago...Yum!) It was perfection i got to spend it with my besties of my life! The pictures taken were numerous. After dinner and cake (provided by my Mom's co-worker...another YUM!) me and my friends went and caused mayhem at the local Toys R Us. Glorious, I know! Then we all went back to my dorm and watched Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankensein....as part of my month long celebration of Monster Movie Marathon (This weekend it is Hocus Pocus, Carrie, The Blair Witch project and more!) Well that was my actual birthday...the following day was spent shopping with my friend Kelly. So much fun and My halloween costume is now complete thanks to this trip. It was fun and i had Sushi that night too which was delicious....!!!!!! The best part of the weekend madness was Saturday...if you are standing while reading this...SIT DOWN!!!! So me and my friend Jamie Packed our backs friday night and at 9 AM Saturday morning we started the long trek to Charlotte, NC. Why you ask? Well we had the idea a few weeks back to go to this concert entitled the Gravediggers ball...why again you ask? Well because ....get ready for it.....the backstreet Boys were perfoming. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER HAD. We had to dress up for it because it was a costume concert. She went as a sexy army girl and i went as Edward Cullen. Two bands played before the boys. Priscilla Renea and a MJ tribute band called Who's Bad....then it was the wonderfullness known as the Backstreet Boys. I am so excited that they are touring again. Well after the concert we headed back. We got back to columbus around 6am after stopping twice to nap and getting pulled over in SC for going 19 over (we got a warning was all...nice Police officer). Now it is back to reality and normality and auditions in like four or five hours.....AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! So must go finish preparing and hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Crazy For You

Why!? Why won't you just open up to me why won't you just talk to me. Don't be scared of me...what happened that night was out of character for me i still question what was going on in my head...and now you are scared to hang out with me alone....i like you so much you couldn't possibly know and you have me dangling by a string. I would bend over backwards. I just want to embrace you for hours and talk like we used to...but nope no more. You have become harder to read, you won't open up. I wish you would try again but no you won't, you are too scared and i am to worried to confront you about it because i don't know what to say. You are cute but disagree with me...i want to give up on you but i can't seem to. I just wish you understood...but you don't. I am crazy for you Michael.

There's a Fine Fine Line

So i don't understand guys...one day they are head over heels for you the next they get scared and just want to be friends why is that? Well to tell you the truth it is getting to be really old really fast in my life...i am finding more guys to be scared to be with me because i am too nice to them...wtf people....i am really confused don't people want to be with someone who is always gonna be there for them, to be polite to them, be able to have a good time with them, and feel safe with them....well someboys are just strange i guess but i am always getting dumped because i "am too good for them" HELLO I DON'T CARE i want to be with you. it doesn't matter if you have done bad things in your past, or have a really bad home life....i like you it shouldn't matter should it...i like you for who you are now and someone i think you should be should have been or need to be....i like you for you...so please quit being dumb.

Things Are Looking Up

So tonight i had a night out with my girls...love you all (Robin, Janine, and Jennifer). After the shittiest week which got progressively worse everyday I just needed it! I am so glad i did too. I feel so much better about my life. Earlier today Hannah Montana came on my shuffle and Nobody's Perfect just spoke numbers to me. I realized that every one has bad days, weeks, etc and that i needed to look on the bright side. Well as most of you can see relationship wise lately my life has been the pits, utter failure. Anyhoo....tonight the honest to god love of my life messaged me to tell me they loved me and to keep my chin up....everything that happened earlier this week no seems superfluous...i still have a future with someone and can wait and should wait for them since all i have found since that person has been disappointment and unsatisfiedness. But life is looking up so those who have been there for me this week in any way shape or form i adore you all soooo much and am so greatful to you for keeping me from doing insane things this week. I love you guys so much. If i didn't have friends like you who knows what i would have done this week. But it is over now and tomorrow is a new day and in the words of Hannah Montana......Nobody's Perfect.

On My Own

well people my suspiscions were correct....i was being toyed with. I am now alone and HE got the prize..once more. Why can't i win. IS it so wrong that i want a nice sweet guy who trusts me makes me feel good, and at the same time likes me for me. I am tired of waiting. everytime i think i have found it i get left and hurt. It isn't fair especially when the person goes to someone i know. I can't stand it. FUCK LOVE! FUCK LIKE! FUCK RELATIONSHIPS! I am done.

You Can't Win

So i thought the weekend might bring me some uplifted spirts.....wishes don't come true apparently. Once again i am compeating with another guy for one guys affection. Well i hope he realizes that the other guy is a slut...and toys with guys emotions and then will be in depression for months and months when you break up with him. I on the other hand am sweet and sencere and loyal...and if worse come to worse and we do break up i tried to still maintain some sort of friendship. Well maybe the two of you are meant for eachother since you have been toying with me for the past few days making me feel great when all else goes wrong well today It is your fault things went wrong in my day....and i would love to drown my sorrows in alcohol tonight at the party i was invited to but i don't think i will cause you are going with him and I feel rejected...and honestly sickened to see you with him...so i guess i will just stay at home tonight and do nothing...
Yes i am angry but hopefully you will prove me wrong...i don't know though. :'(

The World has Gone Insane

So i am really sad today because i was looking foreward to having a non-shit filled week....well my hopes slowly dropped from high on monday...to almost invisible today. Monday was fantastic and put me in a great mood...tuesday rolled around and i couldn't find my dorm keys at the end of the day....still not horrible....Ryan was there. Wednesday came. Not only were my keys still missing....my bike has been stolen too i believe. It wasn't in the bikeroom yesterday or today. Now on top of everything my phone is lost or stolen i will go with the latter cause it was on and fully charged the last time i saw it and that was almost 2hrs ago when i was at lunch after just charging it. I wanna cry right now. I am now to 3 weeks of complete agony and misery.....can't i be happy for just like a few days more than i get dealt out?