Crazy For You

Why!? Why won't you just open up to me why won't you just talk to me. Don't be scared of me...what happened that night was out of character for me i still question what was going on in my head...and now you are scared to hang out with me alone....i like you so much you couldn't possibly know and you have me dangling by a string. I would bend over backwards. I just want to embrace you for hours and talk like we used to...but nope no more. You have become harder to read, you won't open up. I wish you would try again but no you won't, you are too scared and i am to worried to confront you about it because i don't know what to say. You are cute but disagree with me...i want to give up on you but i can't seem to. I just wish you understood...but you don't. I am crazy for you Michael.

There's a Fine Fine Line

So i don't understand guys...one day they are head over heels for you the next they get scared and just want to be friends why is that? Well to tell you the truth it is getting to be really old really fast in my life...i am finding more guys to be scared to be with me because i am too nice to them...wtf people....i am really confused don't people want to be with someone who is always gonna be there for them, to be polite to them, be able to have a good time with them, and feel safe with them....well someboys are just strange i guess but i am always getting dumped because i "am too good for them" HELLO I DON'T CARE i want to be with you. it doesn't matter if you have done bad things in your past, or have a really bad home life....i like you it shouldn't matter should it...i like you for who you are now and someone i think you should be should have been or need to be....i like you for you...so please quit being dumb.

Things Are Looking Up

So tonight i had a night out with my girls...love you all (Robin, Janine, and Jennifer). After the shittiest week which got progressively worse everyday I just needed it! I am so glad i did too. I feel so much better about my life. Earlier today Hannah Montana came on my shuffle and Nobody's Perfect just spoke numbers to me. I realized that every one has bad days, weeks, etc and that i needed to look on the bright side. Well as most of you can see relationship wise lately my life has been the pits, utter failure. Anyhoo....tonight the honest to god love of my life messaged me to tell me they loved me and to keep my chin up....everything that happened earlier this week no seems superfluous...i still have a future with someone and can wait and should wait for them since all i have found since that person has been disappointment and unsatisfiedness. But life is looking up so those who have been there for me this week in any way shape or form i adore you all soooo much and am so greatful to you for keeping me from doing insane things this week. I love you guys so much. If i didn't have friends like you who knows what i would have done this week. But it is over now and tomorrow is a new day and in the words of Hannah Montana......Nobody's Perfect.

On My Own

well people my suspiscions were correct....i was being toyed with. I am now alone and HE got the prize..once more. Why can't i win. IS it so wrong that i want a nice sweet guy who trusts me makes me feel good, and at the same time likes me for me. I am tired of waiting. everytime i think i have found it i get left and hurt. It isn't fair especially when the person goes to someone i know. I can't stand it. FUCK LOVE! FUCK LIKE! FUCK RELATIONSHIPS! I am done.

You Can't Win

So i thought the weekend might bring me some uplifted spirts.....wishes don't come true apparently. Once again i am compeating with another guy for one guys affection. Well i hope he realizes that the other guy is a slut...and toys with guys emotions and then will be in depression for months and months when you break up with him. I on the other hand am sweet and sencere and loyal...and if worse come to worse and we do break up i tried to still maintain some sort of friendship. Well maybe the two of you are meant for eachother since you have been toying with me for the past few days making me feel great when all else goes wrong well today It is your fault things went wrong in my day....and i would love to drown my sorrows in alcohol tonight at the party i was invited to but i don't think i will cause you are going with him and I feel rejected...and honestly sickened to see you with him...so i guess i will just stay at home tonight and do nothing...
Yes i am angry but hopefully you will prove me wrong...i don't know though. :'(

The World has Gone Insane

So i am really sad today because i was looking foreward to having a non-shit filled week....well my hopes slowly dropped from high on monday...to almost invisible today. Monday was fantastic and put me in a great mood...tuesday rolled around and i couldn't find my dorm keys at the end of the day....still not horrible....Ryan was there. Wednesday came. Not only were my keys still missing....my bike has been stolen too i believe. It wasn't in the bikeroom yesterday or today. Now on top of everything my phone is lost or stolen i will go with the latter cause it was on and fully charged the last time i saw it and that was almost 2hrs ago when i was at lunch after just charging it. I wanna cry right now. I am now to 3 weeks of complete agony and misery.....can't i be happy for just like a few days more than i get dealt out?

A Step Too Far

Nice...what is nice? I am constantly being told i am a GENUINeLY nice person...i have come to pride myself in that. I have deep consideration and concern for others. I am really sympathetic if you know me really well. If you do know me well....i listen well and give great hugs and try to make things better. Well lately i have encountered some situations where my NICENESS has gotten on my nerves. I try to be positive and kind but deep down i want to say SCREW IT! the past two and a half weeks have been shit. Only just this week have they started getting better...thanks Ryan. But the past two weeks have been filled with both personal failures, broken relationships, lonelyness, etc. Well while i am the genuinely nice guy, i tend to bottle my emotions. Well, yesterday that emotional bottle POPPED. I usually don't ventto anyone but my besties Ally and Emily....niether were availiable. GRRR i was so mad at things going on that i was shaking and coould feel my heart beat in my ears. I NEEDED TO TALK TO SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!! so i was going through my phone and called my beloved Megan. She was just the voice i needed and she didn't even give me advice or tell me what to do she just listened and i felt so much better. However, things started to go down hill again cause the continuing problems from the weeks before were coming back into focus in rehearsal and roomate situations. And to be the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of cruddiness....today i found my bike to be missing and my keys to my dorm missing...and while Ryan has been keeping me busy (not like that) he is still getting over his ex so i have to be careful not to scare him off.....I REALLY LIKE HIM PEOPLE....He is so sweet and cuddly and makes me want to do things that i usually dis regard like clean my room...shocking right for those who know me. I think deep down he does like me but because of the given situation he is trying to conceal it....i mean he might think i wouldn't like being rebound boy....I LIKE YOU COME ON AND DATE ME!

Forget About the Boy

so world it has come to this I am torn between two people neither of which are still relationally attached to me. Both have been one just up until last night. And once until some point this summer. I don't wanna lose contact with the one from this summer because he a really sweet and awesome person and i adore him still more than i should which makes it hard for me to fully connect with the new person. But the new person was a rushed into thing and i know that but what ticks me off is he is the one who said we should and now he wants to back out and i don't think that is fair to me that he waits it out three weeks and says we should develop a friendship first. Now the problem is do i start dating other people while developing this friendship or do I just wait it out. God it is time like these i wish i just stay single and a bachelor all my life because I always get attached and then people either want more or i get too attached and scare them off. Relationships have become a whirlwind of disappointment for me. If anyone out there has any advice for me please give it to me I am on my last try at this dating thing....HELP!

Saturday Night in the City

So last night was amazing...well lets actually start with Friday night....Nick Joseph party......12 freshmen came with me i made tons of new friends at the party five of which i have been hanging out with all weekend.....Griffin, Ashley, Kelly, Corey and Michael (Michael i just met yesterday). Anyhoo. It was fun and crazy night. Then last night Ashley, Griffin, Kelly, and Michael and i went to see the final night of Rocky Horror. We got all dressed up for it too. It was so much fun. I love Rocky Horror Show. But now it is back to the world of college and homework....UGH basic design is the bane of existance. Acting 1 Autobiography isn't much better.

What Is This Feeling

Ok as most of you who know me know....people do not get under my skin on a regular basis and i usually do not talk about individuals on my blog but today i am just pissed off with one person. MY ROOMMATE! He is the biggest diva ever not at what he does...no that would be ok....no he is a diva in every day life. He is the most inconsiderate person i have ever encountered thus far. I was pushed over the edge moments ago when he comes into our room where i am obviously taking a nap...talking loudly on his cell phone to his mom and instaed of levaing his shit there and going out into the living room he decides to curl up in his bed and continue talking to her right there. And once their conversation was over i thought ok good he will be quiet now...hell no he wasn't....he proceeded to call his boyfriend. UGH I AM LIVID so instaed of napping for another 15 mins i got up to blog about it so i wouldn't kill or yell at him cause it isn't in my nature, but one more incident and i will.....i mean two nights ago when i was in the room for hours listening to music before he got there and he expected me to get up and leave the room or turn my music down so he could talk on the phone there instead of just getting his lazy ass off the bed to go sit in the living room so he could talk on the phone...oh and if the moving wasn't bad enough he had to accentuate the fact he was being made to move when he didn't want to by slamming the bedroom door and pouting.....I will make it through this year but i think i made the worse mistake when i chose to room with him this year....it will not happen again!